


Vekst (Growth)

by CAMIR



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Angst, Awkward Romance, Awkward Sexual Situations, Canon-Typical Violence, Conspiracy, Deviates From Canon, Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Multi, Psychological Drama, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-11-28 16:15:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CAMIR/pseuds/CAMIR
Summary: This story is about growth: individual, interpersonal, biological.During their mission in the Silent World it is Sigrun’s job to keep the team together and alive. To achieve this goal, she makes a mistake that costs her dearly. Although this mistake was done in good faith it leads to the shattering of everything Sigrun has ever held dear  and the discovery of something sinister lurking in the shadows of a world destroyed by a mysterious illness.This story does not only explore the relationship between Sigrun and Mikkel but shows you also something about Norwegian society in the year 90. Be prepared for a few surprises. Even if you are not a great Sigrun/Mikkel fan this story might still be interesting as it explores the characters for the sake of themselves.





	1. What lurks in the darkness...

**Author's Note:**

> _Disclaimer:_ This time I have to give the credits to **Minna Sundberg** and her webcomic [**Stand Still Stay Silent**](http://sssscomic.com/index.php?id=home/) which is beyond awesome. But since you are already here you know this.  
>  _Author’s Note:_ I normally don’t write fanfics to other fandoms then Star Trek, but this story bugged me so much in my head for the last several days. It needs to get out. Full. Stop. Sigrun became my favorite character the moment I laid eyes on her. This story sets out to explore her relationship with Mikkel and a bit how Norwegian society or lets rather say the military works in these days.  
>  To my Norwegian readers out there: Unnskyld meg! Norge er mitt helste land i hele verden. Vær så snill og vær ikke så streng med meg fordi beskrivelsen av Norges militær er ikke så snill. orz  
> I must add, that English is not my native tongue. So, if you find any errors in grammar, word choice or syntax that impairs your reading experience, please tell me. I'd be glad to improve.  
>  _How this story works:_ I am not a nice person when it comes to characters. Expect awkward situations, meanness, hurt. I try to capture the characters and I hope I succeed. Even if you are not the general Sigrun/Mikkel shipper, I hope to catch your interest with this. There is so much more going on than just your usual fluffstory.  
>  _Thanks and dedications:_ This is dedicated to all the loyal fans and fanfiction writers out there who keep the fandom alive. And to you dear reader.  
>  _Summary:_ This story is about growth, as stated in the title: individual, interpersonal, biological. During their mission in the Silent World it is Sigrun’s job to keep the team together and alive. To achieve this goal, she makes a mistake that costs her dearly.
> 
> I made a cover image for this:
> 
>  

It had snowed overnight. The ruins of a settlement which used to be called Købnhavn a long time ago were covered in pure white cotton giving the scenery an air of beauty. Two sets of footprints however disturbed this image of serenity and solitude. Two lonesome persons made their way through the ruins seemingly knowing exactly where they went. One was a tall redhead the other a young man with blond hair.

“This snow. I’m not sure I like it.” Sigrun looked around, watching every corner around her with equal suspicion.

“What do you mean? Didn’t you yourself tell us that the trolls hate the cold.” Suddenly Emil mirrored her moves albeit with more nervousness.

“Yeah, I suppose I said that. Still, it’s easy for them to hide beneath the snow. They can creep up on us and before we realize it it’s over. BAM! Just like that.” She tried to illustrate the situation by slamming her fist in the palm of her other hand.

“Thanks for telling me _now_.” Emil stopped midway. “Suddenly I don’t feel the urge to continue.”

“Nah, we’ll probably be fine. The sun is up and it is really, _really_ cold. We just need to be careful is all.” She stopped next to him and pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket. “Now what did this little pipsqueak say?” She squinted to read the paper a bit better. It was a crude map she had drawn after Tuuri’s translations. Emil joined her looking at the map. It showed their immediate surroundings. With a gloved finger, he pointed where he thought they were standing now.

“I suppose we are here now. It’s a bit hard to tell.”

“It is”, Sigrun agreed. “But we shouldn’t be very far from this building he told us about. The one with the millions of books.”

“Is it really millions?” Emil had a skeptical tone in his voice.

Sigrun shrugged. “That’s what Tuuri said he said. As if it mattered. We can only carry a few as it is anyway. Even if we came back several times. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if there were fewer. Makes it easier to pick the right ones. You should have heard Mikkel the last time.”

“You know, I _did_ hear him.”

Sigrun shrugged again and put the map away. “I don’t get it. Who cares what’s in them as long as we get paid nicely for them?”

“Mikkel cares,” Emil replied and regretted it immediately when she cast him an annoyed glance.

“Alright let’s go!” she urged and he trotted behind her still hoping that nothing would creep up on them under the snow.

* * *

 

The building they were looking for was a large brick building. It seemed stable enough in comparison to other buildings they had the honor of visiting although the upper floors looked collapsed. In addition, its doors and windows were destroyed and the letters above its entrance were barely readable. A few were missing completely others were hanging lopsidedly. Sigrun and Emil watched the writing with curiosity.

“I suppose it used to say _Bibliotekshuset_ ”, commented Emil after a while.

“Are you sure? Well, that makes sense, I guess. A library. I still cannot get my head around the concept that you would build a house simply for books. What a waste when people need a roof over their head.”

“Things surely were a lot different back then.” For a moment Emil wondered what it was that Sigrun had deciphered while reading the letters. It was probably better if he didn’t ask.

Meanwhile Sigrun had prepared her hand lamp and was getting closer to the building. Her whole body showed an alertness and a readiness to strike should the necessity occur. Emil admired her fearlessness in the face of danger. Neither knew what was waiting for them inside, but while Sigrun simply accounted for every possibility with the same nonchalance he found his imagination playing evil tricks on him. Especially after his first contact with the Silent World had ended with him putting a whole building to the torch. Sigrun stood in the entrance now and let the light of her lamp shine into hallway of the building. Despite being midday, the room was surprisingly dark. This was partly due to the weak winter sun but also because of the collapsed floors that cast shadows where none should be. Slowly Sigrun let the light glide throughout the room and when she found nothing suspicious she put the lamp away.

“Looks good enough. Are you ready?”

Emil sighed and simply decided to trust her. She was trained to spot the tiniest oddity. If she didn’t catch anything on sight there probably was nothing. But still he couldn’t shake this feeling he had each time he entered one of the buildings in the Silent World. Most of the time it had turned out to be nothing so he had decided to keep silent. That didn’t mean he was particularly comfortable. Instinctively he felt for his fire accelerants. They had never betrayed him. They surely wouldn’t betray him now. He put on a brave face.

“Yep.”

She nodded. “So it begins.”

* * *

 

“The cellar. It’s always the cellar.” Emil leaned on the wall and tried to catch his breath while Sigrun was checking whether the way in front of them was clear. Her hand lamp was the only light source now since the sun could not reach this place. They had checked all the upper floors but had found no book that was worth taking. All of them had been rotten or were otherwise destroyed much to their chagrin. The light danced on the walls and illuminated some of the doors that were further down the hallway. The air was moldy and damp and Emil’s heart sank. So far, this mission had been a complete waste of time. The smell did not promise any success as he had learnt.

“Shouldn’t we turn back now?” he suggested. Since they had come to the cellar his uneasiness had increased. He hated that there was only one way to escape. And he hated even more that they had spent so much time for nothing. Who knew what lurked in the darkness?

Sigrun stopped and turned to face him. For a second he expected her scolding him for his behavior. But she didn’t. Instead she put an arm on his shoulder.

“Listen, Golden Boy. I understand how you feel. I hate these cramped environments myself. Too many liabilities. But until now I haven’t seen anything that indicated incoming enemy contact. And I’d hate to abort the mission without having checked everything.”

“I understand.” He nodded and put all his courage together. “Then let’s do this and go home.”

“That’s the spirit!”

They followed Sigrun’s light down the hallway where it was stopped by a large metal double wing door. The door had two small windows but it was impossible to see through. The light reflected on the glass. Next to the door was a dirty sign with a few numbers on it. Apart from that it was impossible to read.

“Could you?” Emil nodded in direction to the sign and Sigrun obliged by giving him some light. He rubbed the dirt from the sign and read it. “It says _Lesesal_. A reading room, we might be in luck.”

Sigrun gave him the lamp and opened one of the doors. It was not locked and stable enough not to fall apart. The squeaking noise of the door reverberated in the silence, no matter how careful Sigrun was. She sighed and made sure the door stayed open. After that she retrieved her lamp to check the situation. When the light fell into the room, Emil gasped.

He rubbed his eyes and gasped again. In front of them were shelves and shelves of books. And they seemed in decent condition, too. Near the walls were tables and chairs in various states of decay as well as other items Emil could not identify. In the darkness might even be a dead body or two, but he wasn’t too keen on finding out about _that_.

“Look at that, have you ever seen so many books together?” His eyes lit up and he was tempted to storm in the middle of the room. Sigrun held him back by putting her arm in front of him.

“Definitely haven’t.” She sneered, but concentrated to the business at hand. “Get the bags ready while I secure the area.”

“Understood.”

He watched Sigrun walking along the shelves until he could only see her silhouette in the distance and the dancing light. He closed his eyes and inhaled. So far everything had gone well. Maybe too well? He put down his backpack and removed its contents. Before the mission he had suggested to put a few empty bags together for the sake of transport and Sigrun had agreed.

_Drip, drip, drip…_

He froze and held his breath while listening intently. When he heard nothing for some time he continued with his task.

_Drip, drip, drip…_

This noise was horribly familiar and now he knew that he wasn’t imagining things. Carefully he put the bags back in his backpack and looked for Sigrun and her light. As silently as possible he crossed the room towards her while unsheathing his weapon. She had stopped her movements herself listening intently.

_Drip, drip, drip…_

“Sigrun,” whispered Emil and she whirled around. Her face was one of intense concentration and alertness.

“I know,” she whispered back, “I hear it, too.” She let the light glide along the ceiling looking for weak spots she had missed before. After several moments, her face became harder. “Alright, let’s get out of here. It’s not safe. A fight in this environment would be suicide. And no reward in the world is worth that.”

Emil was more than ready to go, but before he did, Sigrun grabbed his arm. “Maybe we can snatch a few books regardless. Just what your hands can hold.”

He nodded and started skimming the shelves, stuffing a few books in his backpack while heading for the exit.

The squishing noises behind them became louder and before Emil had reached the door he heard Sigrun scream. He whirled around to find her lamp lying on the floor. She herself was suspended midair. Something had grabbed her right leg and held her upside down. She squirmed and tried to reach for her weapon. While Emil headed for the lamp.

“Run!” she screamed. “Don’t get yourself killed because of me!”

She had finally gotten the rifle out and desperately tried to aim while the creature swung her around making it more difficult to get a good shot.

For a second Emil was torn. Then he made is decision.

“No,” he simply said and suddenly felt a strange sort of calm. While Sigrun struggled frantically he tried to aim as well and unloaded a shot in the darkness. The troll squealed but apart from that it seemed only the angrier.

“Are you defying my direct order?” Sigrun hissed. “I can take care of myself. You need to get the word out to the crew. I cannot have you dying here.”

“I have no intention of dying!” Emil aimed slightly higher and fired another shot. Now he had the troll’s attention. The thing was screaming in pain and moving slower than before. Sigrun took her chance and shot directly in the thing’s face.

That was when the world exploded. Some red goo was oozing from the thing’s wounds and in an effort of pain it hurtled Sigrun across the room. Emil heard an unsettling cracking sound where she had landed but the adrenaline in him compelled him to unload another round in the direction of the troll. It was now hurt enough to retreat in its lair. Emil considered briefly following the monster but then he remembered Sigrun and hurried towards her. She lay on the floor and a spot of fresh blood was clearly visible where she had crashed into the wall.

“Helvete!” he hissed and fell to his knees beside her. With the lamp, he tried to assess the seriousness of her wounds. Her left arm was twisted in an unnatural position, but to his relief she was moving.

“Nnngh.”

“Sigrun, can you hear me?” he whispered, trying to put her in a more stable position. There was some blood at the back of her head. Desperation overcame Emil. They couldn’t stay here for long and his commanding officer was seriously wounded.

“Nnghh…” she moaned again, but opened her eyes quickly afterward. “The devil sure got me good.” She focused on Emil and furrowed her brows. “Didn’t I tell you to run?”

“You did.”

“Great, another candidate for my mutiny list. Please help me up.”

“Can you walk?” Emil sounded worried. Her arm really looked horrible.

“I’m afraid there aren’t that many alternatives right now.”

Emil nodded and then supported her while she got up. She winced in pain but forced herself to continue. Then she supported herself on the wall.

“Gods, I’m dizzy.”

“You have a wound on your head. It might be a concussion.”

“Might very well be, but let’s Mikkel assess this. For now, I’d say, we get those few books and afterwards we cleanse this place for good.”

Emil nodded.

“It’s a shame, isn’t it? Do destroy all these perfectly preserved books.”

She glared at him. “Who cares about books? This is a troll’s lair. There’s only one sensible course of action!”

Emil looked at her and then he looked at the darkness. And then he agreed.

When they had excited the building Sigrun sank to her knees and tried to catch her breath. Meanwhile Emil did his job and threw a burning match into the ruins of the library. He had prepared this course of action while fleeing and now it was a matter of seconds until the whole building was burning.

“Good job,” Sigrun uttered weakly. “Let’s go home now.”

“One moment!” Emil knelt beside her. “I want to have a look at you first. The best I can do is some preliminary first aid.” He reached for her arm but she avoided his touch.

“Don’t!” She looked at him intently. “I’m fine enough to walk home. We cannot afford to waste any more time here and you’re bound to make matters worse.” With a lopsided grin, she added. “I want to leave it to Mikkel to patch me up together.”

Not being able to completely hide his dissatisfaction Emil got up and helped her up afterwards. “As you wish,” he murmured.


	2. A Healer's Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hya, here comes chapter two with some funny sexual tension. I have updated chapter 1 a bit adding a few more lines in the end. It felt incomplete. :D Have fun with part two of this little romp.

It was getting darker now and the shadows of the dead city looked even more threatening than they had done before. Emil supported Sigrun on their way home. With each step, his respect for her grew as did his worries. Her face was pale and she looked strained.

Although she had to suffer immense pain she willed herself to go on. Meanwhile Emil saw clearly that her willpower dwindled slowly. She could not keep this up for much longer. In his mind, he estimated how much longer they had to walk. The results were rather troublesome.

Suddenly she stopped. Emil stopped immediately, too and looked at her apprehensively.

“Boy, I have to… I think I have to…”

She could not finish the sentence before she fell down in front of him and threw up in the snow. She retched several times and her whole body began to shiver.

Emil was beside her immediately. The dizziness and now this were definite symptoms of a concussion. She needed medical attention and soon. Carefully he touched her back to show his support nonverbally. Nothing he could have said would have helped.

She remained still several moments after the retching stopped. Then she inhaled and forced herself up again. Still, it was obvious that she was even weaker than before. Her legs trembled and she seemed to have difficulties focusing. Emil was instantly by her side again and put an arm around her waist to lend her some of his strength.

Without saying another word, they pressed on through the deserted ruins of a dead city.

* * *

 

“They’re back!” Tuuri had her nose hard pressed on the window of the tank that served as the crew’s mobile base. She had watched the street for hours, intent on catching the first glimpse of Sigrun and Emil when they returned.

Mikkel looked up from his books. “Were they successful?”

“I can’t really tell. They don’t seem to have that many… wait a second! Sigrun seems to be hurt really bad!”

“What?!” Suddenly Mikkel was up, caught his coat and was on his way outside. “Don’t move!” he shot towards Tuuri before he was outside the door.

He ran towards the two approaching team members. The closer he came the more certain he was that Tuuri had been correct. Emil looked haunted and Sigrun who was clinging to the boy with her last strength had an absent look in her eyes. From what he could tell her left arm was broken on several points.

“For Fanden!” he hissed before he turned to Emil. “You did great, boy. I’m taking over now. Get in the tank and get some space ready for her. And tell Reynir and Tuuri to quarantine themselves in the driver’s cabin. In Sigrun’s state, we cannot decontaminate her properly for now.”

Emil nodded briefly and started running. Sigrun cast one glance in Mikkel’s direction, managed a regretful grin and collapsed in his arms. He caught her expertly and lifted her up in front of him.

“I give you cause for worry, huh?” she whispered.

He shook his head.

“You don’t have to play strong for my sake. I don’t know what happened out there and right now I really don’t want to know. But that was a bit of a close call for my taste. Nobody would be served if you were smashed to pieces.”

“I trust your skills to patch me up again.” She smiled ruefully. He frowned at her and she sighed. “Look, I’m agreeing with you. But we were careful. We really were. It just happened… The risk comes with the job.”

Mikkel shook his head again and sighed as well. In the wasteland nobody was safe, Sigrun and Emil as members of the military even less as it was their job to be on the frontline. That didn’t mean Mikkel had to like it. Seeing a team member injured hurt him inside each time it happened because he knew that another time they might not be so lucky.

Careful not to hurt the woman in his arms he walked to the tank. He was determined to do all he could for her.

When Mikkel stepped inside, Emil had already finished most of the tasks the healer had given him. Reynir and Tuuri were safe behind glass while Emil was tidying up the bunk room. Lalli was nowhere to be seen so Mikkel suspected that Tuuri had taken him with her into temporary isolation. Although the boy was immune it was better to have him out of the way.

Emil turned around when he saw Mikkel approaching and prepared one of the bunks for Sigrun to lay down. With his face, the boy indicated Mikkel which of the bunks he had intended. It was one of the middle ones which could be easily reached. The others he had stowed away.

Gently Mikkel put Sigrun down on the makeshift sickbed before he turned to Emil encouragingly. “That was good work in such a short time, Emil.”

Sigrun mumbled something as well and as far as Mikkel could tell she commended the boy for his behavior during the mission.

“Can I… can I be helpful some more?” Emil asked finally.

Mikkel who was already busy assessing Sigrun’s state turned around. “As a matter of fact, you can. Get some water and a washcloth ready. We might not only need to clean her wounds but also decontaminate her that way. But go and cleanse yourself before you return.”

Emil nodded and left.

When he was gone, Mikkel turned to his patient once more.

“Eventually I need to undress you in order to have a good look at your wounds,” he said solemnly. The need had not arisen before and he didn’t want to do anything without the consent of his patient.

Sigrun managed a somewhat recognizable shrug. “Fine by me,” she muttered.

“Before I do so however I need as much information as possible about your injuries, especially the one on your head.”

He needed to keep her conscious and occupied until he knew more about what had happened to her.

“I was flung into… into a wall. My head hurts like hell and Emil says there was some blood. Dizzyness…”

Mikkel listened intently. “Did you throw up?”

She groaned. “Yeah…”

“Did you or do you experience memory loss?”

“I have some trouble focusing, but memory’s alright.”

Mikkel made a mental note. “Just one last thing. I need to check your eyes. I want to warn you that my light might be little bright.”

“Okay…”

She held still and didn’t flinch when he directed the light ray of a small torch into her eyes. Her pupils reacted to the light alright as Mikkel noticed with some relief.

After he was finished she blinked several times to get rid of the afterimage. “Diagnosis, doctor?”

“You definitely have a concussion but it is relatively light.”

When she tried to sit up he gently held her down. “I said ‘light’ not to treat it lightly. If you don’t want any lasting damage you need to rest for the next couple of days. I can give you some painkillers and something to make you sleep. Since I know the extent of your injury now I can give you these things in good faith.”

“Later?”

“Yes, later. Now I need your help. I must undress you because I need to look at your arm but also at the rest of your body. I’m warning you. It can become painful.”

She tried to grin. “Had worse.”

He reciprocated the grin. “There’s always room for new experiences.”

She grunted and sat up slowly with Mikkel’s help. Together and with utmost care they succeeded in removing all of Sigrun’s clothes apart from her panties. Mikkel put them in a heap for Emil to pick up and decontaminate when the boy should return.

Then he concentrated on beginning a preliminary examination. Her body looked battered and bruised alright. It was already clear that her arm was broken but he needed to make sure what else was there and if there were any internal injuries. While assessing the extent of her wounds an unsavory thought slipped into his consciousness.

 _Gods, she’s beautiful._ She was slim but well-trained having no excess gram of fat anywhere on her body. Despite her muscles she had kept her feminine appearance. An assortment of scars was everywhere on her body telling of fights past. Her breasts…

He closed his eyes to get rid of these inappropriate feelings but when he opened them again he found her watching him intently. It took a considerable amount of willpower not to avert his gaze.

He cleared his throat.

“It’s best to treat your arm first…”

She shifted her position to grant him better access to her arm while he searched his medical bag for a splint and bandages.

“I need to set the bones straight again… This might…”

Sigrun interrupted him. “I know it will hurt. This is not my first broken arm.”

He looked up. “Are you treating this as a sort of trophy, Captain Eide?”

“Every trollhunter worth his or her salt has traces of previous fights to show. It’s part of the trade. It happens. A little pain is nothing I haven’t experienced before.”

He searched her eyes for hints of boasting or irony but found none. She was not trying to be funny. In fact, it sounded a bit as she were reassuring _him_.

Cautiously he felt her arm and the bones in it. “You are lucky that it’s not an open fracture. It decreases the risk of inflammation.”

“I know.” She bit her upper lip as soon as he began setting the bones straight thereby hiding the pain. When it was over he believed he saw a little sweat glistening on her forehead. He would not mention it however as she would never forgive him noticing her weakness. Instead he concentrated on setting the splint and securing everything.

“So that’s that. How does it feel?”

She tested the arm. “A little stiff. But it will do. I’m a fast healer.”

“Good. Now lie down on your back again. I will look for other injuries. Are there other parts of your body that you feel pain in?”

“I am not sure about my left hip. It also crashed into the wall and I had some trouble walking. But it might be nothing. Right now, everything hurts…”

Mikkel eased her back in a lying position. Then he turned his attention to the spot she had indicated. His hands were trembling as they came in contact with her light skin. Again, she watched him intently.

_So soft… so warm…_

He put his hands on her hip and began kneading the muscles until he felt the bones underneath. “Does this hurt?”

“Yeah.”

“It doesn’t feel broken, Gods be thanked, but it might be sprained or bruised.”

“I thought so.” She didn’t seem to care particularly being more interested in his movements and his touch. He swallowed and set himself to examine the rest of her body in the same vain. It seemed she had also caught a broken rib but apart from that nothing else was broken. Neither were there symptoms of internal bleeding or other internal damage. She had been incredibly lucky to not only survive this assault but also to sustain relatively minor injuries from it.

The clearing of a throat made Mikkel turn around. Behind him Emil had brought everything the healer had demanded. The boy seemed not to be particularly uncomfortable by Sigrun’s nudity and neither did she. In a way Mikkel felt relieved.

“Thank you, Emil. You were a great help. If you could take her clothes away now I think we are almost done. In the meantime, I will help her clean herself and then you can let out Tuuri and Reynir.”

The boy nodded and looked at Sigrun.

“How are you now?”

She grinned. “I could swear a troll beat me up pretty bad, but Wonderboy here worked miracles. I’ll survive.”  

Now Emil could also grin. He picked up the clothes and left leaving Mikkel and Sigrun alone once more.

Their gazes met and went to the wash bucket together.

Mikkel bent down to pick up the washcloth. “Let’s get you decontaminated so the others can get out.”

She grinned mischievously. “Are you up to the task?”


	3. A Soldier's Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigrun uses foul language. Or does she? First insights into Norwegian military protocol. Sounds strange? It gets explained.

“Children’s books!” Mikkel snorted derisively. The morning after the attack he finally found the time to take a look at their latest acquisitions. Tuuri was immediately by his side.

“Really?!” she seemed excited and happy. “That is a rare find or not?”

“For me it looks more like a random find.” He put the books out on the desk. They were about twelve.

“Have you talked to Emil how they managed to get them?” Tuuri couldn’t resist looking at them. “They are in astoundingly good condition.”

“But they are _children’s books_!” Mikkel put his face in his hands. “Sigrun almost died for useless children’s books.”

“Hey, I heard that!” came Sigrun’s voice from the bunk room.

Mikkel sighed. “Why does she have to be so…” He stopped and tried to drop his voice. “…illiterate?”

“I heard that, too!” Sigrun chimed in again. “Next time _you_ try picking books while a troll is right behind you.”

“That’s true, you know!” Emil was just stepping into the tank again after having taken his morning rounds. “By the way, everything’s clear!” He must have overheard the last bits of conversation. In that moment, Mikkel realized that he had never really asked how the mission actually went. Everything had been overshadowed by the necessity to treat Sigrun.

“Are you telling me you just grabbed some random books while being attacked to avoid coming home empty-handed?”

Emil put his head into the door. “Yep, that’s how it went.” He vanished again to decontaminate himself.

“I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.” Suddenly the books looked rather different to Mikkel.

“Apology accepted!” he heard Sigrun say and smiled. He picked up one of the books. _“Sådan får man et barn_ ,” he read. “Great, a book on sexual education and pregnancy. And with rather disturbing pictures, too.” He let it fall back on the table. “Exactly what we need…”

Tuuri picked it up with curiosity. “I think it is rather interesting. Let’s see what else we can learn from the other books.” She grabbed the next one.

It was time to check on Sigrun again so Mikkel left Tuuri gladly with this task. He took his medical bag and walked to the bunk room where is patient lay down. She hadn’t gotten up for the whole day per his order. In the bunk above her Lalli was snoring lightly. This child could really sleep anywhere.

“How are you today?” he asked more cheerful than he felt.

“Better,” she answered honestly. “My head doesn’t hurt as much and the dizziness is almost gone. My arm is still giving me some pain as does my hip.”

“I expected as much. Let me see.” Gently he touched her forehead and could not stop himself from stroking her hair before he removed his hand. He felt caught immediately afterwards because she looked him directly in the eyes. It was impossible to discern what she thought.

“You have no fever which is good. That means that most of your injuries are external. There should be no permanent damage if you rest enough.”

“Your estimate?”

“I’d say you should give you head another four to five days. After that I think it is safe for you to get up again. You will see for yourself how much you can expect of your body then.”

“I see.” There was no hint of impatience in her voice which surprised him. He had always found her to be impulsive and a tad reckless.

“For now, I allow you to sit up. I will check on your arm and your hip.”

Gently he helped her up. Sitting up she first stretched arms and legs before she let him have a look at her broken arm. Intent to concentrate on her injury he touched her.  She felt so warm and soft and incredibly alive considering what had happened to her. And she smelled good… His hands trembled slightly before he could will himself back to the task. Again, she gave him this cryptic stare. This time he averted his gaze.

* * *

 

The following days would mean a large readjustment for the team. With their leader incapacitated there was not much they could do except huddling together and laying low. Of course, Sigrun was kept in the picture all the time and gave her assessment if necessary, but Mikkel was adamant she kept her rest. She obliged with little resistance being sensible enough to know that she could not afford to worsen her condition and stayed in her bunk bed most of the time.

For Mikkel and Tuuri that meant archiving the newfound books while Lalli and Emil watched the perimeter. Reynir had volunteered to take care of the laundry and other tasks that need to be done. In his free time, he practiced drawing runes or helped Mikkel and Tuuri.

Mikkel would check on his patient regularly and to everybody’s relief she made great progress. What he never told anybody was the way being close to her made his heart beat. He was adamant to never let on but couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that Sigrun knew exactly how she made him feel. All he got from her were these strange looks. After five days, he allowed her to leave the bunk for the first time. From then her condition improved steadily.

* * *

 

One day, Mikkel was standing outside doing the laundry. It was a fine, clear winter day and the danger seemed as remote as it could possibly be. Lalli probably was sleeping, Tuuri and Reynir were inside and Emil was patrolling.

A noise startled Mikkel and he turned around to see Sigrun in the entrance of the tank. Her arm was still in the splint but her hip allowed her to walk again.

“We should talk,” she said matter-of-factly and joined him.

He sighed and nodded. “Look, if it’s about…”

She stood upright and looked him straight in the eye. “Do you want to fuck me?”

Mikkel let the laundry fall back in the cauldron and stared at her. “WHAT?!” He blushed. “What… what are you talking about?” he stammered.

She sighed and shook her head. “I’m asking you now if you have felt or are feeling a desire to have sex with me.” Her voice had the tone as if talking to a small child.

Mikkel suddenly found the floor much more interesting. He scolded himself for his carelessness. Now he got the reprimand he deserved. Finally, he found the courage to look at her again. “Why do you ask?” he muttered.

“For faen, you Danish ox!” She cast up her healthy arm in exasperation. “Stop fidgeting, will you?! I’m asking one last time!”

Behind his back Mikkel dug his fingers in his palms until he hurt. And then he said it. How much worse could it get?

“I desire you very much. But I would never have…”

She held up her hand to interrupt him again.

“Then I propose we should have sex.” She said this so nonchalantly that Mikkel could only gape. Startled by his reaction she glared at him. “What is the matter with you? Is this not what you want?”

“I could ask you the same! Gods, Sigrun you could at least give me an explanation. What has gotten into you?”

She sighed once more and sat down on the small stool that stood next to the cauldron. “What has gotten into _me_? Is this not the sensible thing to do?”

“Sorry, still not following.” He picked up the laundry again in the hopes to regain is confidence.

She got up again and leaned on the tank. “Right, I forget, you guys probably handle things differently.”

“I would certainly say so…”

When she started explaining she sounded like a teacher talking to an incredibly slow student. “Sexual tension can become a very dangerous issue during a mission such as this. Especially when it’s not resolved. There are a lot of reasons for this but since you are no trollhunter I guess one of them is you trying to hide your desire from me at all costs.”

He nodded, understanding slowly dawning on him.

“You are right, I tried to hide it.”

“You weren’t that successful anyway, but apart from that it takes up valuable resources like willpower, concentration and energy. Sexual tension is a normal human reaction when living in such a cramped environment. We deal with that on a regular basis in the military. And therefore, it became standard procedure to resolve it, to get it out of our systems when the need arises. It’s the sensible thing to do.”

In a twisted way that totally made sense. Those trollhunters were people in the prime of their physical health and fitness and they spent a lot of time together out in the wilderness. Forbidding them sexual intercourse would not increase their performance.

When he didn’t reply she continued. “I am the captain of this mission and I need to ensure everybody’s safety and wellbeing. And since I desire you myself I decided to apply Norwegian military protocol.”

“Are you guys always this direct?” Mikkel still needed time processing.

“There’s usually no need to.”

“I should have guessed.” He put the laundry back and walked over to Sigrun putting his hands on her waist.

“Sigrun Eide, I agree to your proposal.”

She nodded curtly. “Good.”

Now that that was settled he tried to kiss her, but she stopped him immediately with her hand.

“Unh-unh. No kisses. Just sex. This is not about growing attached to each other. This is about releasing hormonal tension. Nothing else.”

He inhaled sharply and tried to shake the impression of immediate regret. He couldn’t help but feel that he had just made a large mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the Danish book translates: _That's how you get a child_. Maybe it's important?
> 
> Sigrun's no-kissing rule is courtesy of [MadameFolie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameFolie/pseuds/MadameFolie). I read that first in her two absolutely readable fics [Jam Session](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6648463) and [As a Seal Upon your Arm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7909867).


	4. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the sex between the two. I decided to go the non-smut route...  
> This chapter was hard to pull off because I struggled between several alternatives. This one seemed the best one.

Taking stock of the medical supplies was necessary. It was also a great way to take Mikkel’s mind from a certain conversation that he repeated so often in his head that he could no longer discern whether it had really happened. Sigrun had treated him completely neutrally afterwards and so far, nothing much has come out of it. Granted, they had been busy relocating and there was still the matter of her injuries.

In a way Mikkel was not unhappy about this development. It was not that she had lost her appeal for him – quite on the contrary - but more a matter of avoiding possible problems. She knew the truth about his feelings now and that already solved the matter somewhat. In addition, he still had so many questions.

“Hey!” Emil stuck his head into the freight room. He leant casually on the wall and watched Mikkel who continued patiently with his task.

“Can I do something for you?” the Dane finally asked.

“I wanted to check on our military supplies.” Emil said and grinned. “Especially my cleansing equipment.”

Mikkel moved a little to the side to grant Emil access to the crates in questions.

“By all means.”

The two men worked a while in silence concentrated on what they were doing. It was Mikkel who started talking again.

“Emil, say, what do you know about the Norwegian military?”

Puzzled the boy stopped and looked at Mikkel.

“If you have questions why don’t you ask Sigrun? I’m sure she’d be delighted to tell you all about it.”

“I know. But now I’m asking you. I’m more interested in an outsider’s perspective.”

Emil shrugged. “Alright. I have to say, Sigrun is the first Norwegian I’ve ever met. There were a few over in Sweden some time ago helping us out. A rowdy bunch, not sensitive in the least. But efficient. They are the world’s leading troll killers. All expertise we have in the field of eliminating trolls comes from them. They’re professionals and more than willing to share their intel. Although they claim they are best suited for the task.”

“Hm…” Mikkel appeared lost in thought and Emil was quick to catch on this time.

“Something the matter, Mikkel?”

“I was just curious. We Danes don’t have much contact with the Norwegians and I was wondering whether Sigrun fits in with the bunch.”

Emil nodded. “Based on my experiences I’d wholeheartedly agree. She’s a Norwegian trollhunter through and through. Fierce, courageous and a tad reckless. But she knows what she does most of the time.”

“I see. Thanks, Emil.” Mikkel returned to sorting the medical supplies. Emil had given him even more food for thought.

The result of the stocktaking was not as encouraging as Mikkel had hoped but at least they had supplies to last them for another three months if they used them frugally. Carefully he put back everything and left the cargo area.

And stumbled into Sigrun in the process. She had just gotten up from her bunk and probably not noticed him approaching. With some effort, he managed to avoid crashing into her.

She looked around and grinned and then she grabbed his upper arm. “Tonight?”

Mikkel’s heart skipped a beat and he suddenly had a lump in his throat. Being so close to her reawakened all his desires he had tried to suppress. He had lied to himself and he was a fool believing she would simply let this go. Not Sigrun.

Unable to say anything he nodded coyly.

She bore a strange expression just then and for a moment he believed to see a hint of nervousness, but the moment faded and she was her usual confident self again. For a Second, he feared she would force him to say something, but she didn’t. Instead she patted his arm again. “Good. See you around.” And then she went away as if nothing had happened.

* * *

 

With every passing hour Mikkel’s anticipation and nervousness grew. He was uncertain how his encounter with Sigrun would go over and the lingering worry that everything was a huge mistake would not vanish. He needed to talk to her before anything else could happen. He needed his questions resolved. He really had to. But Gods be his witnesses, he _wanted_ her.

Finally, when everybody had gone to bed, or in the case of Lalli scouting, she appeared by his side like a shadow from the dark.

“The driver’s cabin!” she whispered and he followed her. Light was sparse and they didn’t dare to switch artificial lighting on. It would only draw unwanted attention and not only the awkward kind from curious crewmates but even the deadlier kind from dangerous creatures. He was glad that the darkness hid his nervousness. Cautiously he seated himself on the couch while she started to casually undress.

“Sigrun, stop. I need to talk to you.”

She stopped indeed but even in the darkness her puzzlement was obvious.

“What is it? Second thoughts?”

“Yes… I mean no. I don’t know. I have questions.”

“I see.” Surprisingly she didn’t seem to be as annoyed has he had expected. Instead she seated herself opposite to him and pulled her legs on the couch beneath her. “What is it?”

“This whole situation. I’m not used to this while you obviously are. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Hmmm…”

“I need to _understand_ , because all of this is new for me. So, I thought maybe you could tell me more about this military protocol of yours. There are a few things I have problems with.”

“Such as?” Her voice was incredibly soft, even calming.

“Your causal attitude to all of this for example. In our case you said you desired me yourself but what if it hadn’t been me, but Emil or Lalli or even Tuuri…”

She seemed to smile. “You need to understand one thing, Mikkel. When your life is constantly on the line you find that there are a few basic necessities. Eating, sleeping, staying alive. And suddenly you discover that sex is a normal part of the human existence. People make so much out of it, but it’s actually quite simple. Like a handshake. A normal human interaction. You can do it with several people without it _meaning_ something. This is what they teach us and it makes sense. When we return from the kill we know we were lucky. We survived and we need to get that out of our system – the adrenaline, the aggression.”

“So, you tell me you would sleep with everyone on this mission?”

“I’d shake hands with everyone on this mission. But of course, there are preferences. I don’t desire anyone else on the team as much as you so I probably wouldn’t. It’s as simple as that and I don’t see why it needs to be more complicated. However, if I felt there was an attraction towards me like I felt with you I’d talk with them. Look for a solution. And there’s always one as long as you leave unnecessary attachment out of the equation. Being honest with each other already helps a good deal.”

“But what about attachment? You cannot tell me that this doesn’t develop between you guys back home?”

“It does. Of course, it does. But we have ways to cope with this. One of them is not making such a big deal out of sex. Out here I want to keep feelings out of the equation. Can you respect that?”

Mikkel looked down and carefully evaluated his emotions towards her. After a while he answered. “I think I can.”

She stood up again.

“Good. All this talking… Are you still feeling up to it?”

“Yes,” he said firmly. “But as the group’s healer there is one last thing I need to know: Have thought about birth control?”

“Everything’s taken care of,” she replied confidently. “Do you think I’d have approached you otherwise?”

“I suppose not, no.”

Now that his most urgent questions were answered he saw her and their arrangement differently. He ached to touch her in places he had previously only fantasized about.

They undressed in silence. When they were done, Mikkel picked up her uniform jacket and put it over her shoulders. She was still injured and he didn’t want her to catch a cold. She accepted it.

And then she pushed him on the sofa in a fierce and demanding act. She was strong even though one arm was still in the splint. Mikkel grunted. He had not expected this suddenness. Yet when he had caught himself he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close to him. She sat astride on his lap. Just her closeness, her smell and the prospect of touching all of her was enough to make his desire grow. With shivering hands, he caressed her small and firm breasts and the rest of her lithe body. He found each and every scar in the darkness and stroked it. She seemed to enjoy his touch and reciprocated most of his movements as best as she could. All the while both of them did their best to stay as silent as possible. At least she had enough sense to realize that being discovered would make everything more uncomfortable – something that certainly was not necessary where she came from.

When they finally lay in each other’s arms panting Mikkel felt relieved and sad. He hugged her as close as he could, enjoying her warmness on his body. Sleeping with her was everything she had promised and everything he had expected but he had lied to her and to himself. He had already grown attached.


	5. When plans go awry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well. Drama ensues! But wasn't that obvious from the start? I updated chapter 4 slightly.  
> For those of you too lazy to check out the update. This is it:
> 
>  
> 
> _“Good. All this talking… Are you still feeling up to it?”_  
>  “Yes,” he said firmly. “But as the group’s healer there is one last thing I need to know: Have thought about birth control?”  
> “Everything’s taken care of,” she replied confidently. “Do you think I’d have approached you otherwise?”  
> “I suppose not, no.”  
> Now that his most urgent questions were answered he saw her and their arrangement differently. He ached to touch her in places he had previously only fantasized about.
> 
>    
> So now they are having a conversation about birth control. Originally I had different plans concerning this issue, but they didn't work out. That's why the addition was necessary. The topic of birth-control would have been addressed in any case.

“Are you really going to read all of that?” Sigrun’s look of disbelief widened when Mikkel turned around and patiently put the book aside that he was reading.

“No, not all of that, but all that seems remotely interesting. In a way, you’re making this easy for me…”

“How so?” She leaned on the desk he was working on and he smiled. She had been right from the start. Knowing he could have her and the memory of all the times he had already had her eased him up considerably in her presence. Her closeness did no longer make him nervous in the slightest. Instead a certain professionalism had returned to their daily dealings.

He patted her back and gestured towards the heaps of books sitting in the background with his other hand. “Your … unorthodox methods in extracting them are responsible for the fact that many of them hold only value for collectors.” He lifted one of the books to her face. “This here for example. It’s about taxes. And how not to pay them.” He put it down.

“Aha.” Before he could show her another example she picked up the one he had just shown her and skimmed through it. “Are you saying Emil and I are bringing back useless books on a regular basis?”

“I’m only saying you could try to pay a little more attention…”

She grabbed his collar. “We’re risking our lives out there.”

“I know, I know…” Gently he removed her hands from his clothes but didn’t let them go. “I’m just saying it should count for something. You were lucky the last time and I’m glad your arm has healed so well.”

She moved her formerly broken arm several times in a testing fashion.

“So am I. But that’s how it is. I couldn’t be a good soldier otherwise.”

Mikkel remembered when he finally had been able to remove the splint from her arm. He had insisted on regular checkups afterwards and after an initial dispute she had obliged. The removal of the blasted thing had also resulted in her being more active when they were together so he didn’t complain.

After a while they had found their rhythm. It was mostly after Sigrun returned from raids and still had adrenaline to burn that she came to him. He had learned to accept what she was willing to offer and buried all unnecessary feelings as deep as he could. It had taken him a while to build up the courage to approach her himself when he felt the need to sleep with her. It was then that he had begun to view his encounters with her as an outlet for built-up frustrations, worries and even quarrels. And each time he understood her and her initial proposal better. What they did was healthy for the team spirit as a whole because in the dark of the night both of them could get rid of everything that bothered them in daylight. They never talked much before or after and instead let it happen.

* * *

 

“Soooo, what’s the deal with you and Mikkel lately?”

Tuuri grinned from ear to ear the moment Sigrun had placed herself next to the little Finn in the driver’s seat. Both women were alone for the time being.

“Why do you ask?” Sigrun didn’t feel the slightest bit uncomfortable by Tuuri’s question. It was only a matter of time before somebody found out. The only reason for using discreetness in the first place was for Mikkel’s and the rest of the team’s sake. That and because of Trond’s advice which he had shoved down her throat before she had embarked on this madhouse of a mission. The old wolf had given her a solemn talk that not everybody was as free-spirited concerning sexual intercourse as she was used to. Since she saw herself as the leader of their group she had tried her best to accept that responsibility. Which meant being considerate of other people’s sensitivities.

Tuuri focused on the road in front of her while answering. Sigrun commended that behavior mentally. It meant the girl took her tasks seriously.

“You seem to have settled your differences and stopped arguing. And you seem to be a lot more comfortable around each other now.”

“Is that so?” It was inevitable that people paid attention to social dynamics but apart from Mikkel’s mutiny a while back Sigrun couldn’t recall any other incidents that warranted an argument. It was interesting to see how her teammates viewed her and that great bear of a Dane.

“To me at least. You always behaved like two cats on a prowl. Not anymore.”

“Interesting.”

“Is that all you will say on the matter?” Tuuri’s voice sounded giddy all of a sudden.

Now it was Sigrun’s turn to grin, even though the girl in the driver’s seat couldn’t see her. She leaned back and put her arms behind her head.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. Maybe tell me how you did it?” A bit more seriously Tuuri added. “I am still new at meeting people. So, it’s good to know how to resolve differences.”

Trond had been right. Contrary to Sigrun’s first impression the girl did not suspect a thing. That meant that people obviously handed things differently in Finland. On the other hand, Sigrun saw no need to lie. Tuuri had asked an honest question and it was she who had brought up the topic in the first place.

“We’re having sex,” Sigrun answered finally.

“Oh.” Suddenly Tuuri blushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to…”

“It’s quite alright. It was my decision to tell you. It was probably not what you expected to hear, but it’s the truth.”

“Thanks for trusting me with this knowledge.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I assessed the situation and concluded that it would help improving some dynamics. It worked, you said so yourself.”

Tuuri seemed to ponder on Sigrun’s last words for a while. In any case she had lost her blush.

“Are you telling me you are doing this for the team?” she said after a while.

Sigrun did not hesitate before answering: “Of course. What other reason could there be?”

* * *

 

“That’s it for today.” Carefully Mikkel put his pen down. He had taken some notes about things he had found interesting. Now the book he had been skimming through could go in the crates. He stood up and stretched. His muscles had gotten sore from sitting hunched over the desk. It was time to prepare the meal for the crew. Although the lot of them was not particularly fond of his cooking skills they still accepted his responsibility. Emil had even found it in himself to commend Mikkel for the way he preserved the meager food rations they had. And Lalli once tried to contribute by bringing him a dead squirrel. Luckily the others had never found out about that. Reynir had tried to ease Mikkel’s workload somewhat. Admittedly the boy knew how to keep a household. Still it was mainly Mikkel’s task to keep the crew fed.

He was about to step outside when Sigrun appeared in the study room. In the dim light of the tank she looked pale. She looked around so that nobody could hear her. Then she asked almost timidly:

 “Can you treat me later?”

Mikkel smiled knowingly. “Whatever you wish.”

She frowned.

“Not like that. I need your skills as a healer.”

He became serious again. Professionally he tried to assess her condition as best as he could. He couldn’t see anything wrong with her but then again the light was not the best.

 “Treat you for what? I haven’t noticed anything out of place. Although you look pale.”

She leaned on the wall and put on a brave face.

“Ah, it’s probably nothing.”

“What is it?” Now she had piqued his curiosity. She nodded absently because she knew as well as he that this was not the place to hide something potentially dangerous.

“I haven’t bled for some time,” she said finally.

“I wouldn’t call that a problem. The last troll attack that made you bleed…” He interrupted himself and stared at her. “That’s not what you’re talking about, is it?”

She shook her head and he suddenly felt sick in his stomach. Outwardly calm he put his hand on the backrest of the chair next to him.

“What other symptoms are you experiencing?” he made himself ask, dreading her answers already.

“Sometimes I am sick or more tired than I should be. It sounds like field-sickness.”

“Field-sickness?!” It was a great effort for Mikkel not to shout.

“It’s something women can get while out troll hunting. But it is a very rare occurrence. I don’t know of anybody who has had it. But everybody knows these symptoms. They tell you if you have it you are required to see a doctor immediately after returning home. That’s why I’m talking to you now. Haven’t you heard of it?”

Mikkel stared at her unable to say anything. A terrible realization dawned on him.

“What’s the matter with you?” She frowned. “It’s nothing serious. You can surely treat it.”

“Sigrun, I… you…” He stopped. And tried his best to disperse his suspicion by putting on a professional face. “Do you feel unnatural pressure in your breasts as well?”

When she nodded yes, his heart sank. They were in serious trouble. In addition, it seemed that the woman in front of him didn’t even know the implications of her words. He could only guess why this was the case, but obviously her education had left her in the dark about some facts. Even worse she was told something else deliberately.

“What else do you know about this field-sickness of yours?”

She looked upwards in a gesture of intense concentration. Obviously, she tried to recall all her knowledge.

“Not much more. They tell us to see a doctor immediately if these symptoms occur. It happens only to women and mostly when troll-hunting. There is a joke that field-sickness feels a lot like the early stages of pregnancy. As if the two were related… You cannot get pregnant while hunting trolls.”

“And why is that?” Mikkel felt increasingly awkward.

She smiled. She was very confident in her words when she replied: “Because they provide us with birth-control. Every soldier receives something. It’s part of the job. They tell us not to worry, because they take care of everything.”

“Is that why you told me that everything was taken care of when I asked you about birth-control?” Nervously Mikkel wiped his brow.

“Exactly. But what has that to do with anything? I’m not pregnant. That’s impossible. I’m field-sick. Just treat me already!” Her voice had now taken on a hint of impatience.

Mikkel sat down on the chair.

“I can’t. Even if I wanted to, I can’t.” Defeated he stared at the floor.

Now the impatience in Sigrun’s voice was replaced by anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?! Why are you acting so strangely?!”

He inhaled then he stood up again and took her hands while looking her firmly in the face.

“Sigrun, I’m sorry. I don’t know any details yet, but we made a horrible mistake.” She gave him a questioning look and he continued. He knew that he entered the real minefield now. The consequences were unforeseeable, but the truth had to get out. Before she could reply he continued: “I don’t know where we went wrong and I suppose it’s irrelevant at this point. There is no such illness as field-sickness. Everything you have told me indicates that you are most likely pregnant.”

She retreated her hands and put them angrily on her hip.

“It’s impossible! Can you stop with this nonsense already? This is not funny!”

He stayed calm. “I agree, it’s not funny in the slightest. But I would never dare to joke about something as serious as this. It’s the truth. With these symptoms you’re describing there is not much room for interpretation.”

She glared at him but inside her eyes he saw the slightest hint of uncertainty. He took that as a sign to go on talking.

“Have you ever considered why only women could get field-sick? And why it is only supposed to happen in the field? And most importantly why those kinds of jokes exist that you were telling me about? Regardless what kind of birth-control they give you, it is not completely safe. What they call field-sickness are probably those women that get pregnant despite being on birth-control. I can only repeat that there is no illness called field-sickness. None at all. I should know.”

Her eyes narrowed. “First you tell Emil he has face-cancer. Now you tell me there is no field-sickness. But I’m not in the mood for this now.”

He threw is hands up in the air.

“I admit, I tried to be funny with Emil. But not right now. The situation is far too serious. What reason should I have to lie?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you simply haven’t heard about it in Denmark. What reason does the Norwegian military have to lie?”

“I have no answer to that, Sigrun. I can only say that I am deeply, deeply sorry. They deceived you. I don’t know why.”

He saw her mind working, weighing his words against everything she had learned over the course of her life. He had known that general education was not the top priority for the Norwegian armed forces. Sigrun herself had demonstrated that on several occasions. But he had never expected that it would result in something like this.

“I don’t believe you! I _can’t_ believe you! You are not even a proper doctor!”

That hurt. But he understood her perfectly. Something that seemed like a given to her was suddenly challenged by someone who wasn’t was qualified as the people who educated her. And suddenly he had an idea.

“You are right, I am not. But what if I’m not the only one with that opinion? What if I can prove it to you?”

She sat down on the chair in the workroom and looked up at him expectantly. He returned the look with a serious face.

“Would you trust… a book?”

“A book?” She snorted. “One from 90 years ago? What did _they_ know?”

“In some cases, a lot more than we, in some cases less than we. But some things never change. Like the symptoms of a pregnancy.”

“You are really insisting on this. But I told you, it’s impossible. It’s a _joke_ we tell among us trollhunters. But it doesn’t prove anything.”

“Are you so sure?” His voice was muffled while he searched for a certain children’s book. Finally, he found it. It was under a big pile of other books where it lay forgotten after Tuuri had read it. He held it under Sigrun’s nose.

“Pregnancies are a direct result of a man and a woman having sex.”

“I know that.” She put out her chin stubbornly. “And that’s why they supply us with birth-control.”

He sighed and tried a different approach. “And when was the last shot you received? As far as I can tell all conditions are met, unfortunately.”

In her head she counted. “That would have been right before I embarked on this mission. Maybe six months ago…?”

He nodded. “That makes sense. And how often do you get your shots normally?”

“That’s easy, every three months… Oh.” Suddenly the stubbornness vanished from her face and she looked beaten.

“So would it be possible that the shot is no longer effective after that time?”

She didn’t reply immediately. They faced each other now and Mikkel dared not to move. The situation was delicate enough as it was. After a short while that had seemed like an eternity the weight of his words seemed to have finally reached her.

“This is all your fault!” she screamed. Catlike she sprang up and slapped him in the face. Then she turned and stalked way.

Beaten Mikkel sat down on the chair again. “Fanden!” he hissed.


	6. Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned for Tuuri to go after Sigrun and let her have a woman-to-woman talk. But that would have been reckless. Also Sigrun wouldn't really have had much to say. So it was Mikkel who had to suffer and take the brunt of Sigrun's wrath...

Face in hands Mikkel sat there pondering whether he should follow Sigrun or whether it was better to leave her to her own devices. He was torn.

He wanted to give her all the time and all the space she needed, but both these things were commodities they didn’t have in abundance. Sooner or later they had to talk again, figure things out.

But there was no denying that he was partly responsible for making Sigrun a liability and therefore possibly endangering everybody on the crew in the long run. She was the most experienced fighter they had and he couldn’t see Emil taking her place in the foreseeable future. For the next three months, she could probably keep up her usual routine. After that it would become increasingly difficult not only in the sense that she would lose her agility. She would also become more vulnerable. They might have returned before that happened. But then again, they might not.

She needed to come to terms with a new reality and he intended to at least give her that. He saw her military mind already assessing the situation and coming to the same conclusions. It was not pretty.

He clenched his fists and cursed silently.

“You okay?” Tuuri stood in the same doorframe Sigrun had occupied before. She looked worried.

Mikkel sighed and shook his head.

Tuuri nodded slowly but didn’t dare to approach.

“I… I was about to ask about dinner when I saw Sigrun storming out of the tank and into the woods.”

Mikkel stared at Tuuri.

“Into the woods? Fanden, she knows it’s dangerous!” He sprang up but resigned immediately. Following her probably made matters worse.

Tuuri watched him but was too tactful to say a word. He felt he owed her an explanation.

“We argued.”

Tuuri still didn’t reply and he realized how stupid that sounded. It was not unusual that the two of them argued. Never had it prompted such a reaction in Sigrun.

“This time it was personal.”

“I know,” Tuuri whispered in reply. “About you two I mean. She told me.”

Mikkel nodded slowly. Somehow, he was not surprised. “I see. You think we argued about that?”

“Didn’t you?” Tuuri seemed confused.

Mikkel exhaled. “It’s complicated.” He paused and then he mustered all his courage to ask what had to be ask.

“I need a favor from you.”

“What is it?” Something in Tuuri’s face lit up. She was glad to be helpful.

For a moment Mikkel had considered sending Tuuri after Sigrun. As another woman, she probably had an insight he lacked. But sending her also meant that he shirked his responsibility and letting her unknowingly deal with his mistakes. In addition, he simply couldn’t send someone non-immune into the Silent World alone. Even if it was only for a few meters.

“I need to go after her. Could you… take care of dinner for me? Reynir can help you, too.”

“Oh, sure…” She seemed disappointed but it was for the best that way.

Together with Tuuri he left the tank. Three pairs of eyes were greeting him. He lifted his hands apologetically.

“I’m sorry about dinner. Tuuri will take care of that now. I need to do something.”

They all had seen Sigrun storming away, but neither Emil nor Reynir mentioned the obvious. Lalli stayed silent, too. He seemed a bit more confused than usually.

Sigrun’s traces in the snow were easily visible. He hated doing this, but he willed himself to follow her.

* * *

 

Mikkel found Sigrun in a small forest clearing not too far from the tank. She simply stood there stiffly with her fists clenched and stared into the nothingness.

When he approached her, she didn’t make any effort to acknowledge his presence. But then she said firmly: “Go away!”

He stopped. It was better to heed her warning and not to invade her personal space.

“We need to talk,” he said as calmly as he could, but she ignored his offer for peace.

“I said go away!” Her voice was firm and cold.

“Sigrun, I…!”

“I have nothing to say to you.” This time he heard something else in her voice. Something he had never expected to experience from her cheerful and boastful self. She was deeply hurt.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. Then he sat down on a tree stump and waited. For a long time, Sigrun didn’t visibly move. She trembled a bit from willing herself to stand stiff. Everything in Mikkel ached to run over to her and take her in his arms, to comfort her. Yet he remained where he was.

After some time, she whirled around and glared at him. There was a dangerous almost feral glow in her eyes. “Why are you still there?!” she growled.

He offered her the palms of his hands to take the threat out of the situation.

“Because we need to talk.”

“You are the last person I want to see right now!”

He refrained from reminding her that it was _her_ that had approached him first for sex. That made her partly responsible for this situation as well. Yet he knew that she was currently in no state for a fact-based discussion. She felt betrayed. And he was the only one available she could vent her frustration and hurt at.

“I know. And I don’t blame you for that sentiment.” He needed to stay calm whatever happened.

“You doomed me!” she screamed. “Have you any idea what you have done to me? I don’t even want children!”

Angrily she kicked at the nearest tree. In a way Mikkel felt that this was an improvement over her former state of mind.

He let her scream at him without a reply. It hurt him more to see how much she was suffering than the verbal abuse he had to take from her.

When she finally sank to her knees too exhausted to go on he kneeled in front of her and after a moment of hesitation he hugged her as tightly as he could. She offered no more resistance but she also didn’t reciprocate the hug.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered. “So, so sorry. I didn’t know… I couldn’t know.”

She shivered in his arms and he hugged her tighter. It was only then that he realized that she was sobbing silently.

The brave and strong Sigrun Eide was crying! That had been the last thing he had ever wanted to make her feel. While he had experienced her taking pains and injuries with a stoic face and was sure she had seen dear comrades die in the most gruesome way without shedding a tear what had happened this afternoon had broken her in more than one way. And he was partly responsible for this!

Gently he stroked her hair. She let it happen and finally put her slim arms around him.

He wanted to say that everything would turn out alright. That they would be back before her condition would pose a problem. That she would be in medical care qualified to end this pregnancy if she still wished so. But he knew as well as her that this could prove to be a very optimistic estimate. It was just as likely that he had indeed doomed her.

“Sigrun,” he whispered. She looked him in the eyes and then she freed herself from his embrace. Slowly she got up.

“I was stupid,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Mikkel shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize.”

She didn’t reply but instead made her way back to the tank. Slowly he followed her.


	7. An Attempt at Normality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That chapter took longer than planned. Most of it was already finished like last week, but then real life happened and I wanted to add some things and polish it a bit.  
> I have thought hard and long how Sigrun would treat this situation. This is something that isn't really addressed in the comic, so I have to decide for myself how she would react. She is a drama-queen in a way, but on the other hand I had the feeling that she has very distinct instincts for survival so she wouldn't sulk and bitch but try to find a way to deal with all of this even if she's not happy. That is my attempt at that but you are free to differ. :D

When Sigrun and Mikkel returned to the tank they were greeted with curious looks. Emil frowned angrily at them while Tuuri and Reynir were doing their best to deal with the deficient cooking equipment. The smell told of something akin to food. At least they didn’t do worse than Mikkel’s usual routine as he noticed quite contently. During the way back, Sigrun had completely regained her composure so there was nothing on her that indicated her recent breakdown.

She took the whole morale-thing quite seriously but Mikkel had seen her other side.

“Where have you been?” Emil demanded. He sounded really annoyed, but Mikkel knew that it was mostly worry that prompted the boy’s reaction. In his eyes, Mikkel and Sigrun had simply wandered off into the unknown without saying anything. As the team’s leaders that had been irresponsible.

“We had to discuss something,” Sigrun said as lightly as she could.

“But why did you run off like that? What did you _think?!_ ” Emil was obviously not happy with her answer. While Reynir and Lalli only understood the angry undertone in Emil’s voice, Tuuri’s reaction was different. She seemed to understand a bit more of what was going on but was tactful enough to pretend to be invested in the food. Still, Mikkel knew that she was listening closely. He recognized that facial expression anywhere.

“Emil?” he interrupted before Sigrun could answer. The boy looked at him and Mikkel shook his head as a signal to leave the topic be. Nothing good would come from further pursuing this line of discussion.

“But…,” Emil tried weakly one last time.

“Don’t,” Mikkel replied and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. Sigrun had watched the exchange with a strange expression but turned away to help herself with the food.

“I’m starved!” she said loudly and a bit too lightheartedly for Mikkel’s taste. With that the discussion was over. For now.

* * *

 

The next day, Sigrun found Mikkel again sitting at the desk. Her attitude was as nonchalant as he had grown to know her. If it weren’t for the glimpse of the real Sigrun she had revealed him yesterday he wouldn’t have thought that something was at odds.

As a born and natural soldier, her reaction to this crisis made sense in a way. She tried to focus on the present and her responsibility to the team. Thus, she could suppress all worries for the time being. But this time it was different and Mikkel knew that their troubles were far from over.

She leaned on the desk and waited until he turned to her.

“Say,” she said as casually as possible, “I’ve been thinking. Couldn’t you just make it… go away?”

Mikkel sighed and shook his head.

“You said it yourself. I’m just a healer, not a doctor.”

“You’re actually not that bad a healer even if your stitching requires some improvement.” As proof, she showed him the arm he had had the honor of treating some months ago. Some scars had remained.

“Thanks.” He attempted a smile.

“Is there nothing you can do, Wonderboy?” she tried again.

“Sigrun, I’m serious. With my equipment here, I could either kill or gravely injure you if I attempted such a thing. The risk is simply too high. It is actually higher than if you just let things run their course.”

“I can take a little pain and I’m a fast healer. You’ve seen it yourself.” Again, she had that stubborn look on her face.

He got up and looked her in the eyes.

“I’m not doing this. No way. You need to have this done in a professional environment. If _anything_ goes wrong – and I cannot begin to count all the factors that are detrimental to such an operation in the Silent World – it will endanger us all.”

She didn’t reply. Instead she ended the conversation by simply leaving. She pushed him aside rather roughly to go outside. He didn’t follow her immediately, but he could see her brooding on the outside of the tank.

Too distracted to concentrate he forced himself back to his task but let his mind wander immediately. Frustrated he finally gave up and went outside as well. Sigrun looked up as he approached but still didn’t say anything. He nodded a greeting towards her and sat down on one of the stools to begin with dinner. In the long run, he had to find a more diverse nutrition for the woman in front of him.

After a while she returned inside. Mikkel let her go and continued preparing something akin to a meal. At least Reynir approached him for company and helped him a bit while attempting light conversation. Mikkel could see in Reynir’s eyes that the boy was looking up to him and keeping to him for security and company. For the boy’s and the rest of the crew’s sake it was pertinent that Mikkel kept a cool head. With these thoughts, he returned to the task at hand and tried to forget about his troubles with Sigrun.

* * *

 

Later that evening, Mikkel found Sigrun on the couch in the driver’s cabin. The rest of the crew was preparing to go to bed and that meant even Lalli. They needed his skills in the morning. As soon as Mikkel entered Sigrun moved as if she had to hide something. After she realized that it was only him she relaxed a bit.

Mikkel seated himself next to her.

“I’m sorry,” he began.

She shook her head.

“It’s my fault, too, you know?” she said finally. Admitting mistakes was probably the hardest thing for her. But there she was giving him the only offer of peace she was capable of. “I didn’t want to believe the things you said to me.”

“I think that is relatable. I never wanted to be the guy who pulled the rug from under you.”

She pulled her legs up on the couch and put her arms around the knees.

“Happens to the best of.” She attempted a lopsided smile. The old Sigrun was still there, but she was deeply shaken. “Maybe fate decided the mission had been too easy lately?”

“It’s a possibility…” Mikkel tried to indulge her.

After a pause, she pulled out something she had hidden before. It was the children’s book about sex education they had found that fateful day. “After you told me that there is no way we could stop my … condition I tried to find out as much as possible about it. I need to know what expects me. The only way to defeat an enemy is to know him.” She snorted. “Who would have thought that I had to resort to _books_ for that?”

Mikkel smiled. “Sometimes books can obviously be helpful. Maybe even you will see that one day.”

“It’s hard for me, you know? At least it has many pictures. Doesn’t change the fact that I really don’t like what’s going to happen to me.”

She opened one of the later pages and showed the illustration to Mikkel. Determinedly she pointed on the image. “I’m going to look like _that_!”

“I know,” he sighed unable to say anything comforting.

She turned the page over and showed him the next illustration. Her face had a disgusted expression. “I don’t want to become this… monstrosity. How am I supposed to fight trolls like this?”

“In that stage of pregnancy, you normally don’t. Your body makes sure of that I’m afraid…”

She closed the book rather aggressively. “Thanks for reminding me.”

They sat next to each other in silence for a while. Mikkel felt that Sigrun still had a lot to say, but was unable to. When he found the silence unbearable he decided to ask the one thing that really needed to be asked.

“So, what are we going to do?”

“The hell _I_ know!” she snapped. And after a pause. “I don’t blame you. I guess, I really don’t. But…”

Another pause. It grew heavier and heavier until she finally looked him in the eyes. She had an expression he had never seen before on her. It was a mix of sadness and tiredness and something else. Mikkel ached to touch her but he refrained from doing so. Instead he waited.

She pressed her eyes closed as if experiencing some extreme pain and opened them again.

“Aww dritt, might as well say it. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. Give me a rash-beast and I kill it, no problem, but this…” She shook her head.

Gently Mikkel put a hand on her shoulder.

“Nothing prepared you for this so it’s natural you feel out of your depth.”

“But I _shouldn’t_. I’m the leader of this goddamn mission. I’m not supposed to screw up so legendarily!” In a fit of anger, she hurled the book on the floor where it remained. Mikkel followed her movement and then it dawned on him.

“You’re afraid…” he whispered.

She stopped and stared at him.

“Yes,” she admitted finally. “And I hate it.” Before Mikkel could say something comforting she continued. “It’s not only this mission. When I get home, there’ll be … trouble.”

“Trouble?” Mikkel raised an eyebrow. “But why should there be…?”

“We soldiers are not supposed to have children like that... You need to ask permission first.”

Not it was Mikkel’s turn to stare. “But that’s stupid! They cannot simply…”

She shook her head. “But it’s the way it is. They supply you with everything but in return they need to count on you. So, they get to decide when you can have children and when you don’t. If they decide they need you for the upcoming troll-hunting season your request gets shot down. They are rather clear about this, so you know before signing up. Never seemed a big deal before anyway.” She shrugged.

Mikkel blinked. And then he realized it. This so-called field-sickness Sigrun had told him about earlier was nothing more than the Norwegian military’s attempt to regulate their soldiers’ procreation. By telling them that birth control was safe and removing all evidence to the contrary they kept total control – no accidents allowed. Still the question remained why they went to such lengths in the first place.

He shook his head but kept silent. He didn’t want to upset Sigrun any further - especially since it was more important to concentrate to the mission at hand.

She sighed. “Stupid mess I got us in!”

He took her hands. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. How were you supposed to know?”

“Doesn’t make it better.”

Slowly she removed her hands from his, got up and picked up the book she had thrown on the floor. Then she moved to the steering wheel and leaned on it never losing sight of Mikkel.

“But there’s no use in whining. We just have to deal with this day by day,” she said finally.

“I agree.”

“How long do I have until I become… this?” She opened the book again and showed Mikkel one of the pictures.

He gave her question some thought before he calmly replied.

“You have at least one month before there will be noticeable changes. And at least another month before there will be serious disadvantages to your agility.”

“Alright. Then let’s make these two months count and try to get out of here.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Mikkel couldn’t think of a better solution himself.

“Just one thing!” She put up her index finger.

“What is it?”

“I’d rather keep this whole affair secret in the foreseeable future. It will do some damage to the crew morale as it is. And especially the little Swede might find himself in a position to play the hero. I don’t want any of that. I can take care of myself!”

Mikkel nodded slowly. “I tend to agree. But they already witnessed some strange behavior from us yesterday. That might raise some questions.”

“Nothing we can’t handle.” Sigrun seemed confident again. “We just had a difference of opinion. That sort of thing. If nobody asks we don’t have to explain.”

“As you wish.” Mikkel was not wholly convinced that Sigrun’s idea was as brilliant as she claimed. He feared that she simply delayed the inevitable to a later point in time that might be even more inconvenient. Yet he didn’t say anything. It was her decision. His position was primarily to be there for her as a healer and only secondly as the man who had fathered her child and to whom she could direct her anger.

“Great!” She threw up her arms. “Now that it’s settled I suppose we should both go and get some sleep.”

“Not so fast!” He replied causing her to stop her movement towards the door.

“What now?” She looked irritated.

“As the crew’s medic, I would like to have a look at you. I’ve never had the chance and I feel it is important to assess your current condition.”

“Fine,” she snorted and returned into the cabin.

“If you were so kind to free your upper body and to lay down on the couch.”

Grudgingly she obliged and when she lay before him on her back he tried to examine her belly by feeling it. He was not really sure what he was looking for since this kind of medical assistance had never been part of his duties. Yet he felt that there was at least _something_ he should do – even if he lacked all proper equipment.

Sigrun lay completely still seemingly trusting his judgement. She treated this situation with a seriousness she had lacked before.

“And?” She asked after a while.

“To be honest, I couldn’t feel anything. There is no outward indication for a pregnancy yet. That gives you some time.”

“Is that good?”

“It is certainly not bad, considering our current mission.”

She pondered on that for a while. Then she took Mikkel’s hand and led it under her trousers.

“After all the distress you’ve caused me in the last two days the least you can do now is help me relax.”

And Mikkel did just that.


	8. Interlude – Some time earlier…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something unexpected I guess? I decided to introduce that scene a bit earlier than planned. It will all make sense eventually but you are free to guess. :)

“There are plans for an expedition into the Silent World.” The man’s voice sounded serious but threatening at the same time. “You know what that means…”

The general was silent. Too long had he listened to the man’s words and he felt less and less inclined to do so in the future.

“How do you know?” he said at last.

“I have my sources,” the man replied cryptically with a hint of arrogance. He sat down on the general’s desk and looked him straight in the eye. “They will come to you and ask for support.”

“What makes you so sure of that?” the general asked impatiently. “I haven’t even heard of this so-called expedition.”

“Trond Andersen is with them. They are notoriously underfunded and therefore desperate. I am quite sure Trond will try to use his old ties with the army to recruit someone.”

“I see.” Tight-lipped the general decided to let the man do the talking.

“This little expedition might save us some trouble. If we make the right choices it could save you valuable soldiers and resources. Sooner or later I would have asked of you to send people down.”

The general sighed. “I suppose if that expedition of yours returned from their trip this can be avoided? And you are going to tell me it would be better for you and me that way?”

The man grinned. “I see you understand. Good. Now there is still a risk that things won’t go according to plan but I’d rather try it this way. We wouldn’t want to draw attention.”

“What do you want?”

“I want,” the man said, “a soldier who can get us what we need.”

What they needed… The general didn’t like where the conversation was going. He didn’t like being controlled. But then again, he had never known differently. The man provided the army with resources and the army provided the man with people. Soldiers were sent on tasks and vanished. For the greater good. And then the man explained to the general which task it should be this time.

“We would need a female. Not too bad-looking, extroverted. Sexually active.”

“Someone who wouldn’t shy away from initiating sexual contact with other members of the expedition?” the general asked.

“Exactly. And someone who would succeed in such an endeavor,” the man answered almost automatically.

“That sounds oddly specific. Do you have anybody in mind?” Suspicion arose in the general that he was simply a pawn while all else had already been decided.

“We reviewed the soldier’s profiles you provided so kindly. There are not many females to fulfill all criteria: Liv Hansen, Berit Solberg, Else Børdahl and Sigrun Eide.”

“Sigrun Eide, but that’s general Eide’s daughter!”

The man shrugged. “I really don’t care who you send as long as you choose carefully. We need those samples and we need them soon.” With these words he left the general’s office.

The general stayed behind pondering. Everything should look as if it happened out of free will. Instead he and his soldiers were cleverly manipulated puppets in a game he didn’t quite understand himself. If he did it right he might even get one or several of them to volunteer.

One face popped into his mind. General Eide’s daughter.

Nobody would know what was really going on until it was too late. If she didn’t perish on the expedition he didn’t envy her when she returned.


	9. Blizzard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where is Emil? Why is Sigrun having this strange memories? And could it be possible that they *gasp* lied to her?
> 
> That _Takk_ means _Thank you_ is probably a no-brainer. :D I added the translation just in case.
> 
>  **Fun fact:** The curse word _Faen_ (Danish: _Fanden_ ) means actually _Devil_ \- so Scandinavians curse religiously. From its expletive meaning it is more on the f-word side. _Faen i helvete_ doesn't mean _Devil in Switzerland_ (which is also known as _Helvetia_ ) but rather _Devil in Hell_.  (Is Switzerland hell?)

The wind was howling and snowflakes clashed with Sigrun’s face as she ran. She tried to protect her eyes as much as possible but to no avail. She was running directly into the blizzard while gusts of snow blurred her vision.

From time to time she stopped and turned around until she finally slowed down. She was lost. There was no denying it. Everything looked the same around her so she couldn’t tell where she had come from and where she was going. All the while the storm had blown over her tracks.

In the distance, she could make out shadows that probably belonged to some buildings. But that was as far as her vision went.

She wrapped her arms around her upper body to give herself some warmth and tried to catch her breath. In the cold she could watch little clouds escaping her mouth before they dispersed.

“Faen i helvete!” she whispered. And then: “Emil.” So much for their last mission!

The boy was nowhere to be seen. She must have lost him when the blizzard had hit them with full force.

She turned around once more just be sure, but she was alone, surrounded by the forces of an angry nature. She sighed and clenched her teeth willing the pain in her right side away. Being alone in a potentially hostile environment meant one thing above all: she needed her wits about her and no wound should stop that. However, she slowly felt exhaustion taking hold of her. Too soon, much too soon! Her stamina had ceased considerably comparing to what it used to be she discovered angrily.

There was no use going back in the hope of finding Emil as long as the storm raged. She would only make matters worse and get completely lost in the process. Instead she decided to seek out the dark silhouettes in the vain hope that they were buildings or remains of buildings giving her shelter. At least the weather also deterred all sorts of possible beasts so there was that.

With all the strength she could muster she willed herself forward. Indeed, the silhouettes turned out to be the ruinous remains of some buildings, but right now it was impossible to determine which purpose they might have served once.

Not that Sigrun particularly cared. She was more focused to find a way inside and when she finally found one she collapsed to the floor on one of the walls. She needed to wait out the storm and regain some of her strength. And to consider her situation.

She could clearly remember Mikkel’s apprehensive look when she and Emil had left.

Playfully she had punched the big oaf. “It’s our last raid before going home. Stop worrying so much!”

He was probably back in camp and worried himself sick at this precise moment. A part of her wished she could return and reassure him that everything was okay. Except that it wasn’t. Another raid had gone to hell. This time she had lost Emil, received an injury and was in an overall worse physical condition than ever before. Outside a blizzard that nobody could have foreseen was raging keeping her trapped in the cold.

The beasts had come out of nowhere and one of them had got her while she had tried to protect the boy. Flight had been the only option.

Now that the adrenaline was slowly getting out of her system she could feel the chilliness around her and the pain in her right side even more. With her left hand she tried to assess the wound and touched something warm and sticky.

“Blood! Faen not again!”

Her thoughts drifted back to Mikkel and she imagined his face when she returned in this state. He would be horrified. Meanwhile she had come to know that he cared a great deal about what happened to her and also to Emil and she didn’t want to hurt him, because she had realized that she cared, too.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered in the darkness. And another thought entered her consciousness: _if_ she returned.

Her bloody hand wandered down to her slightly swollen belly leaving red tracks on her white coat before she wrapped her arms around her upper body. She began to shiver. Her strength wasn’t what it used to be and the feeling of tiredness and exhaustion became overwhelming. Slowly she began to question whether she had enough willpower left to compensate. As soon as she fell asleep she signed her own death sentence. Not only would she become an easy target for any beasts roaming the vicinity, she could also easily die of hypothermia. She had seen it before.

In that moment a crushing sense of betrayal washed over her. Her own body had betrayed her this evening but somehow the feeling went even deeper. A part of her also felt betrayed by the one organization she had deemed her purpose in life. Why had the Norwegian military lied to her? In the weeks after the horrible realization that she was indeed with child she had remembered an episode that had occurred shortly before she had left.

_She had lain on the examination couch in the hospital receiving her last medicals before leaving for the Silent World. Before letting her go the military had ordered a complete checkup. After they had deemed her fit to go they told her that she was to receive some last injections._

_That had been when General Molde had entered the scene. He was the general who had overseen her transfer. She had saluted him and he had returned the greeting very curtly._

_“Getting your last shots?” he had asked while the doctor in the room had been busy preparing a syringe._

_She had nodded._

_“You know, what we are giving you?”_

_“I think so, sir. Some vaccinations and my quarterly birth-control.”_

_The general had seemed to ponder on something before agreeing absentmindedly._

_“Indeed. Since we count on a longer leave of absence we increased the dose of your medication. It should last considerably longer than three months now.”_

_“Takk, General.” They had exchanged a few more words and intel before they had shaken hands. Then the general had left._

When the memory had returned after her emotional distress had settled down she had decided against sharing it with anyone. It wouldn’t have changed a thing especially since Mikkel had diagnosed her correctly as she had discovered quite quickly. Still there was a nagging feeling in the backside of her head.

_How could all of this had happened when by all means it shouldn’t have?_

She huddled herself closer to the wall cursing her condition and cursing her helplessness. She stared into the emptiness…

…until sleep came over her.


	10. A rude Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not dead and neither is this story. The last weeks were simply overwhelming but I never forgot that I needed to update. I tried to be as tasteful as possible in the description of what happens to poor Sigrun...  
> "Takk skal du ha" means also "Thank you."

Sigrun jerked awake when something wet fell on her face. The beast looked her directly in the eyes. Motionlessly it loomed over body. Something akin to a snout sniffed at her. Normally its warmth and proximity would have alerted her warrior senses but this time it was different. Exhaustion had got the better of her because she had gravely overestimated her abilities. A costly mistake!

Every limb in her body hurt as did the wound in her side. She was almost frozen stiff and in no state to fight. Instinctively she tried to retreat to the wall reaching for her rifle behind her back.

Meanwhile the monster continued to sniff at her. It didn’t make the slightest indication to attack. This was totally strange behavior. No rash beast she had ever encountered or learned about had behaved in this way. Sigrun assessed the situation and came to a bitter conclusion. She was in no state to survive a confrontation with the thing in front of her. She was too weak, too injured. This also made running away no discernible option. All of that didn’t mean that she had to go down without a fight. Forcing herself to stay still she waited what the beast’s next move would be. Slowly ever so slowly lest she upset the beast she unholstered the gun behind her back and released the safety. Then she would strike – suddenly and fiercely. And then she would most certainly die.

The thought made her sad. It wasn’t so much that she feared dying – she never had. But she felt sad for Mikkel and all the other people she had let down. And a small part of her even felt sad for the child inside her. While she still wanted to get rid of it, it should have happened on her own terms, not in a godforsaken dump in the middle of nowhere when she was being ripped apart by a monster. They might never find out what had happened to her.

Before she could get a decent shot the thing went down on her pinning her to the ground. This was when she realized another fatal mistake. This monster had never intended to kill her straight away. It was more interested in the life she was carrying inside her. Horrified she was forced to witness as something tried to move between her legs.

She had never thought that there would come a time when she was scared enough to scream. And yet here she was. Screaming and sobbing while being held by a monster that tried to rip her apart from inside. The pain was almost unbearable.

From the corner of her eye she saw a shadow approach then there was loud bang and afterwards complete silence. The monster slumped on top of her and remained motionless. She held her breath and did not dare to move until somebody removed the bleeding carcass from her body.

“Emil!” she whispered.

The boy stared at her with a horror-stricken look on his face. What he must be seeing was a bloody mess.

“Are you alright?” he finally managed to say.

She nodded simply biting her lower lip. When she realized that he needed something more she added. “I’ll live. Takk skal du ha.”

He cowered next to her and took in the sight. “All that blood…”

She shivered and retreated to the wall. “It’s not my blood. You came just in time.”

“I’ve never seen a beast attack like this.” He was very pale and visibly shook.

“They usually don’t.” She inhaled deeply.

“This one… it tried to… Gods!” He shook his head.

Of course, he had seen it. How could it have been otherwise? Sigrun sighed. She contemplated the implications for a moment and then decided to go for the truth. It was their last mission anyway. No more time for heroics. Besides the one thing she had feared namely that Emil would try to play the hero had just happened. And she was to blame because of her lapse in judgement. She had never thought one could feel so tired and overwhelmed as she did in this precise moment.

 “It tried to take my child,” she mumbled.

“Child?!” Emil stared at her wide-eyed. When he had processed this information, his hand wandered awkwardly to her slightly swollen belly. She allowed it.

“It’s a long story. Mikkel and me got more than we bargained for.”

He simply nodded. After a while he said: “You put yourself at risk by not telling me.”

She said nothing in return knowing well enough how right he was.

“You were lucky,” he continued.

“How did you find me?” she changed the topic.

“It wasn’t easy. The blizzard made everything blurry and strange and I tried to find a place where I could wait it out. When it stopped I went out looking for you but of course your footsteps had been covered. I decided to go to a range of ruined buildings because I guessed that you had the same idea as I did. That’s when I heard you scream and you know the rest of it…”

“I see,” she replied finally. “You saved my life.”

“How could that have happened anyway?” he asked incredulously.

“I overestimated my abilities, let’s leave it at that.”

He seemed to accept her answer and moved on to more pressing matters.

“Can you walk? We should try to get away as soon as possible.”

She nodded in agreement. “We definitely should.”

Awkwardly and with Emil’s help she tried to get up, but it became soon obvious that she was not strong enough for the way home. It took all her strength to keep standing.

Gently and in unspoken agreement, Emil picked her up and carried her on his back.

“This is the second time, I am almost carrying you home,” he remarked.

“I know,” she replied simply.

When they finally returned she collapsed into Mikkel’s waiting arms, blissfully unaware of the deep expression of sorrow and worry on his face. She had survived another day.


	11. Nothing but trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas folks! I am still writing this. :D

Mikkel ignored the dried blood and other bodily fluids that covered Sigrun’s body as he carried her towards the tank. Emil watched him wearily as did Tuuri and Reynir from the safety of the driver’s cabin. Even Lalli looked worried. When he saw the odd procession approaching he ceased whatever he was doing and came forward. He put his hand on Sigrun’s forehead and uttered something in Finnish while looking Mikkel straight in the eye.

“Thank you,” Mikkel said. He interpreted the boy’s action as a gesture of worry. Lalli removed his hand but continued staring.

In front of the tank Mikkel put Sigrun gently down. The ground was soft and somewhat warm due to the campfire he had put up only recently. As much as he wanted to put her inside and wrap her in blankets she needed to be stripped and decontaminated first unless he wanted to risk Tuuri and Reynir catching an infection. So many questions lingered in his mind but now was not the time to ask them. In addition, he felt uncomfortably as Emil watched his every move.

“Prepare the bathtub and some hot water while I get my medical bag!” he ordered. Anything to get rid of the stares. Emil nodded curtly and turned to his task. He even managed to get Lalli to help him. In the meantime, Mikkel hurried inside to do his part.

He returned with some blankets, too. One he put on the ground, the other he but around Sigrun.

“How are you holding up?” he asked more upbeat than he felt.

“I’m alright,” she managed with a weak grin. She was pale and he realized she had to be in immense pain.

“You fool,” he hissed. “You almost got yourself killed.” A part of him wished never to know what had happened to her.

“It… wanted the child…” she muttered, barely understandable.

Mikkel didn’t dare asking what she meant and went straight to the business at hand.

“I will remove your soiled clothes now. I try to wash them later, but no promises on ever getting them clean again. And then we will decontaminate you in the bathtub.”

She grabbed his wrist as if to say something, but didn’t. Then she let go and collapsed. Mikkel caught her before she hit the ground and his heart sank. He had never seen her in a condition as bad as this.

_She might not survive._

The thought hit him hard. He could not lose her. He would not lose her! Not on his watch!

When he had removed Sigrun’s jacket, Mikkel gasped. The gash on her side looked horrible. The blood had dried by now, but the wound was far from healed. With all the other blood on his clothes he had not realized that she had been wounded as well and he had never given Emil the time to explain. Before he hadn’t treated that wound there was no way he could put her in the bathtub. Not without the wound opening again and her losing even more blood. Steadily he cleaned the thing with a sterile cloth and then he tried stitching it to the best of his abilities.

Normally Sigrun would have given him a snide remark, but now she just let it happen almost apathetically. Mikkel was so concentrated on the work that he never heard Emil approaching.

“We are done,” the boy said and Mikkel thanked him.

“Will she come through?” Emil continued to ask. To that Mikkel had no reliable answer.

“I don’t know,” he replied finally with a sadness in his voice that betrayed what he really felt for her while finishing the last stitches on her wound.

Emil pondered that for a while before he spoke up again.

“Why wasn’t I told?!” he said with thinly veiled anger.

“Emil, now is not the time to…” Mikkel didn’t need to ask what Emil was referring to. Instead he tried to appease him, while knowing damn well that the boy was right.

“None of what happened today would have happened had I known,” interrupted Emil. “It was foolish and irresponsible. That monster tried to… Gods…”

Emil’s gaze betrayed what he stopped himself from saying and when Mikkel recognized Sigrun’s torn trousers he understood.

“Gods, no!” he gasped. _Sigrun!_ Instinctively he pulled her closer.

She groaned and he let her go.

“I arrived just in time to stop something really bad from happening, but it was horrifying nevertheless. I’ve never seen beasts _do_ something like that,” Emil muttered.

Mikkel had no answer for this. Instead he finished bandaging the wound and trying to make the bandages waterproof.

With Emil’s help he finished undressing Sigrun and then he carried her to the tub while the boy put the clothes on a heap to be washed.

She sighed when he put her into the warm water and he was glad to see that the bandages were holding.

He scrubbed the blood and the rest of the dirt from her body. He could feel eight pairs of eyes watching him intently.  Seeing her nude, it was impossible to miss Sigrun’s belly that had been so well hidden under her clothes for the last weeks. He knew that when everything was over they had some explaining to do - provided Sigrun would survive the ordeal.

A pang of guilt hit him as he looked at her in her current condition.

_I am responsible for this! I did this to her!_ He shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. The decision to go on the mission had been hers alone and it would be wrong to dismiss that she was a mature woman capable of taking care of herself. It was his turn to patch her back up. She was a fast healer. She had said so time and again.

The warm water awakened her somewhat and she opened her eyes to watch him. The exhaustion was plain on her face and she didn’t say anything. He smiled reassuringly, but she was too weak to reciprocate.

When he was done, he wrapped her in blankets and carried her to her bunk in the tank where he put her down to get some rest.

Gently he stroked her hair and kissed her on the forehead before he left.

“Don’t…” she muttered weakly.

“Why?” he asked.

“’Cause I’m nothing but trouble…”

“I know,” he whispered before he closed the door. She had already fallen asleep before he left.


	12. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still at it, although slowly. I dreaded this chapter because a lot happens in short order. I might have rushed it in the end, but although a lot happens to the characters I did not want to dwell on most of it unnecessarily, because it adds nothing to the story. It's time they got out of this hellhole...

Over the following days Sigrun’s condition worsened.

At first, she was still responsive even though still weak. And then the fever set in. Mikkel could literally watch how her consciousness slipped in the hours he sat beside her bed changing bandages and cleaning her wounds. Their medical supplies had run thin before, but now Sigrun had turned into yet another medical emergency. There were hardly any antibiotics left and Mikkel was quite certain that they would never suffice when he looked at the large inflammation that had formed at the gash at her side. He tried to make do with what was left and administered her the sorry leftovers of the medicine. It had not been enough. In the end it became a fight she to fight on her own. He was again reduced to being a bystander and it was frustrating.

All the while he urged Tuuri to drive on to finally bring them back to the pick-up spot. There was no time for delays anymore, nothing worth stopping and investigating over.

The crew had silently agreed, and nobody had raised any objections. Although the prospect of coming home was now something very real the overall mood had decreased together with Sigrun’s health. Everything was subdued silence and worried looks. They would huddle together around Sigrun’s bunk and watch her sweating and turning and sometimes screaming. Mikkel did not want to know what kinds of memories she had to relive in her present state. He would try to ease her onto back and stroke the sweat from her forehead, but he could not ease her pain.

When it became too much, sometimes Lalli would get up and do something to calm her and more often than not it helped. Mikkel decided to let the boy practice his magic – whatever helped.

Emil would stare at nothing and bite at his lower lip. He felt guilty for how the last mission went and no words could comfort him – only a miracle. Even Mikkel had begun to resort to praying. This was not how it was supposed to end! Not like this! Even though he quite honestly did not know how everything was supposed to end instead. If only she would come through somehow!

From time to time he went to the driver’s cabin to relieve Tuuri from driving so the girl could get some rest. He could feel her sad eyes on his back before she went out of the room. Sigrun’s condition seemed to lie heavily on her mind as well.

And then finally deliverance happened!

They had reached their destination and indeed there was a ship waiting for them. Mikkel had to double check several times to reassure himself that he was not dreaming but there it stood in all its glory. If they could not help Sigrun nobody could – that much was certain.

Everything went rather quickly from then on, and it was only in the metal confines of his bunk that Mikkel came to his senses.

They had indeed reached their pickup! Sigrun was in medical care and the rest of the team had been debriefed thoroughly while others took over the tank and its valuable freight.

He leaned on the cold wall and sighed heavily. It was so different to be alone again especially after the cramped last days. And even now he began to miss it. The camaraderie, the danger and most of all Sigrun’s cheery disposition. That he missed most of all because he didn’t know whether he would ever be able to experience it again. She had never accepted defeat even against impossible odds, even against her own body. She had clung on to life until they had come aboard the ship and that was that. Until now…

He did not know how long he had sat there when he heard a knock on his door. He jerked awake.

“Yes?”

The door opened and one of the sailors appeared in the doorway. When his eyes had adjusted to the darkness in Mikkel’s cabin he nodded.

“She wants to see you,” he simply said.

“Who?” Mikkel sat upright.

“Your comrade. The Norwegian.” The sailor tipped his hat.

“Where is she now?” Mikkel jumped to his feet.

“She’s in sickbay. I was supposed to get you. Follow me.”

In seconds, Mikkel was out in the hallway.

 

Sigrun was the only patient in sickbay. She lay in a bed and from the looks of it her wounds and everything had been treated professionally. But most importantly of all: she was awake. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, but she remained lying.

One of the doctors turned when she saw Mikkel approach.

“You Mikkel Madsen?”

Mikkel simply nodded yes.

“Good job, boy.”

When Mikkel only stared in confusion the doctor showed a warm smile.  
“You did what you could out there. Without what you did she would most likely have died, although…,” with the nod of her head she acknowledged Sigrun’s belly, “you could have been somewhat more careful out in the field. Not that it’s any of my business.” Before Mikkel could get out something in reply she moved away. “Well, I leave you two lovebirds alone now.” And then she was gone.

_Lovebirds…_

Hesitantly Mikkel approached Sigrun’s bed. Slowly she sat herself upright.

“You saved my life, you lummox. Granted, you ruined it, too. But from what she tells me you gave your all. I suppose a ‘Thank you’ is in order.”

He shook his head.

“No need to thank me. I only did my job.”

“If you put it that way…” She grinned. And then there was silence.

“You wanted to see to me?” Mikkel finally said.

She nodded and beckoned him to come closer. And when he did she grabbed and kissed him passionately. First, he was too surprised to reciprocate but then he did with all his heart.

A thousand questions raced in his mind, but right now, the answer lay in his arms.


End file.
